A for Anger
A is for Anger, the second issue I want to address in this series. It is also for April, a month that never fails to make me angry. While other folks are counting daffodils, planning Easter meals, and enjoying the milder weather, I’m usually home, at my laptop, being angry.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. The month when it is OK to talk about sexual abuse and assault. What are the 42 million survivors of sexual violence supposed to do the other 11 months of the year? Zip it? Be careful not to embarrass anyone? Pretend we care as much about all the other awareness months out there? Well, I don’t pretend. I couldn’t care less if I embarrass anyone, and I’m not known for my handiness with zippers.
Before I continue this rant, I’d like to do some math. There are 30 days in April. That means every day in April 1.4 million survivors have to share each 24-hour period. How shall we divide that up? Oldest survivors get the best hours? (At my age, I like that one) Most severely abused gets to speak first? Should we allocate the hours by types of predators: family members, friends, neighbors, caregivers – and give victims of each type a 6-hour window?
Does this kind of exercise help us understand the ridiculousness of one month being designated as an “awareness month?”
Yes, I’m angry. I hope I never stop being angry. If I don’t feel anger, that would mean I don’t feel anything at all. The question to ask yourself is, what do I do about it?
“A” can also stand for Action. So here are five suggestions for surviving this April.
Write it down: Lots of survivors journal. Not me. I tell myself that I’m a professional writer, and I don’t need the practice. But whether I call it “journaling” or not, writing helps me sort out what I’m angry about and why. It also comes in handy for the next time you get angry about the same thing.
Work out: Stop rolling your eyes, and give it a chance. You don’t have to become an athlete or download the latest chair yoga printout nonsense from the Internet. Go for a walk. Do 20 quick leg stretches at your chair. Just do something physical. It provides a quick release and an endorphin rush. You can always then go back to being angry.
Acknowledge the anger: No one you’re angry with will die from a burst of anger. Wishing someone dead won’t actually kill anyone. If anger were weaponized, there wouldn’t be many of us around to cause trouble.
Say it out loud: Do that right now. Say, “I’m angry.” See? You’re still here. If often helps to put words to feelings instead of stuffing them or pretending they don’t exist. If nothing else, it will improve your vocabulary. Then the next time you’re angry with someone you’ll have more words to throw around.
Use it as fuel: Anger is a great fuel. Properly applied, you can use it to get something done. Tidy a shelf. Clean your computer screen. Organize a drawer. Life is easier when you can find stuff quickly.
Go ahead. Get angry. You have the right. The important thing is to learn to use it, instead of letting it use you. Practice some survivor anger management, and never forget that you didn’t ask for what happened to you, you did nothing to make it happen to you, and it’s not your fault you’re living in a world where people just don’t get it.
